Guilt

I've always been a hardworking, active person. But since I got sick it's hard for me even to get out of bed anytime during the day. I'm not only physically exhausted but I'm also in a lot of pain. With all that being said it is still really hard for me to accept that I can't help people anymore.

We are at my mom's house and they are roofing. My husband, step-dad, and his nephew have been working from sun up to sun down for the last 4 days. My mom and my kids have been cleaning up on the ground. It's really hard for me to sit and watch other people work. I feel completely useless.

I have been waking up and helping serve they guys lunch then usually have to lay back down because of the pain and nausea. Then I wake back up go with mom to get some groceries then lay back down again. I have never in my life felt so worthless. I just can't believe that this little bit of walking around can make my body so tired and the pain and nausea so bad. Not only do I hurt and feel terrible but I look 9 months pregnant from this ridiculous bloating!

Grrr.... I guess I will someday accept I'm not the person I use to be. But today is not that day.